The Hijab

I was 17 at that time, and my mother called me. It was a serious talk I guessed. My mother held the Koran, and I was asked to sit in front of her. I knew that was my time, like all my sisters also had when they was 17. I began to scare, because honestly at that time I knew that something bad was going to happen.

“Do you know the purpose I am asking you here?”

I nodded. I looked at the Koran, Al- Azhab 59. If my mother knows that the Surah doesn’t affect me to wearing the Hijab, I am really sure that she will be angry that it is possible I will not be regarded as her daughter anymore.

“From now on you are wearing your Hijab!”

Those words for me were like punishment. I really wanted to rebel. It was my right to have my own choice. Isn’t faith something private? Then why it was forced? But if I rebel my mother would give me another Surah which is said that we have to obey our parents’ say, especially mother’s say. My mother’s voice repeats on my head; Our prophet said that we cannot even say ‘Ah!’ to our mother. It made me didn’t have any courage to argue.

My misery starts to happen. It was a fine Sunday morning, if only I could swim. I only could see all my cousins and my elder brother were swimming cheerfully and I with my sisters only could enjoy our orange juice. I love swimming, and I will hate everything that separates me from it. If God asks us to wearing our Hijab, at the same time I thought, He gives also a limitation for us. If it said that Women should cover their whole body (beside face and hand) to forbid men doing sins to us, then why God thought that we are (Women) will not have a tendency to also doing sins to men when we see them naked? I hated it! At that time I thought that God was in men’s side! Our religion is created only for men.

“Fatimah, this is Nisa. Do you remember her? She was your playmate when you are 8 year-old.”

How could my uncle thought that I would remember her since I could not even see her face. She’s wearing a Burka. It is not a must, but it is more favorable to be done. My curiosity drives me to ask her the purpose she’s wearing a Burka. Nisa said,

“It is my honor to God. By doing this I know I am more saved. It is God’s wise to protect women!”

I really wanted to say, “Are men that savage, until God protects us strictly?”

Actually I had more questions, like how could you are recognized? Doesn’t it burden your activity? Are you that beautiful until you are so confident that men would do any harm to you!!! But again I didn’t have any courage to argue for I knew she would give me a Surah that said; “Come to Moslem in a whole”.

Since I study at a plural-religion’s school, in my class it is only me who wears a Hijab. One day we played a game, the one who loose had to kiss the hand who wins. When it was me who lose then they all show their inconvinience. One of them asked me, “Should we change the rule?” I said it was all right, I was able to do that. But still when I kissed the men’s hand, they were irritated. That event made me felt that I was not part of them, I was a stranger and it was because of my Hijab. What I feel is my Hijab puts a limitation for me to interact with people. Does God know this? He is right, the Hijab protects me, because it makes them unconfident to interact with me!!! I cried and tried to find a comfort. I went to my cousins’ house, then I told my burden in wearing the Hijab. My cousin tried to relieve me, by saying that God knows the best for us. There must be something inside His rule. I wish I could believe in her. I just could not see the harm that may happen if I don’t wear my Hijab. I just needed a proof that by not wearing my Hijab men will take advantage on me. I saw my friends who are not wearing Hijab and they are all right. No one damaged them. I didn’t see men will be very passionate if they see women’s hair. What is it in hair? Why we have to cover it?

Once upon a time my friend wears a tank top. My male friends do nothing to her. It doesn’t make them want to rape her. If I have a freedom to my own appearance, I will not do an extreme thing like she did. Maybe what I do only to make my hair is seen. That’s all. So why is it wrong if it’s only my hair which is seen? Again I asked, what is it on hair?

This is my departure to America. Before this, I through many long hard process. Again it is because of my Hijab. All are checked. They are curious of what is it beyond my veil. They asked me to make my ear seen. What? They thought I hide a bomb there? It’s only my earring. I sat waiting for the announcement of my plane’s departure. I sighed, I was tired of all the process that burdened me. I heard men’s chattering beside me, they were talking about the girl who sat in front of me. I heard that they wanted to sit close to her. No wonder, she had a beautiful hair ever. I wish I could also show up my hair. It’s not because I want to seduce men, but only because I want to be looked well with my hair. Women always consider about appearance more than men. Is it a sin? When I wear my best dress, it is not only because I wish my appearance will enchant the men but it is because I need a respect from others; whether from men or women! Again I sighed, lucky her! I wonder how beautiful she is. The girl then looked back, and I with the boys also, can see her face clearly. The boys burst into laugh. One of them said, “Luckily we haven’t sat near her yet! Don’t you want to know her name? Go ahead!” The girl’s face, indeed, is not as beautiful as her hair. It is even worst. Suddenly I realized, there is something in hair; a thing that drives men to be attracted. Finally I heard my plane was announced to leave soon. I stand up and went out with relief. I don’t know what relieved me. Perhaps it was the boy’s saying.

On plane the stewardess offers me some food. She gives me information of the food with and without pork. She does it to me but not to the woman beside me. The women beside me than asking, “Which food without pork?, I am Moslem!” she said. The stewardess then begged for apologize, “So sorry, I don’t know if you are a Moslem!” Well I thought it was not the stewardess fault, is there any sign that signifies the woman’s religion as a Moslem. Wait a minute? A sign that signifies her religion? That words make me remember of Al-Ahzab 59;

“Prophet, tell your wives, daughters, the mukmin women, “to use their Hijab. That is to make them are easy to recognize, and so they will not be disturbed. And Allah the forgiver and the merciful”.

“Hi Fatimah, welcome to America … Now you can open your Hijab freely!!”

Open my Hijab … well I guess No! -Myra Fathira-