Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Lisa - Wisuda

Udah wisuda lagi ya.. hehehe..

Jadi inget ketika untuk pertama dan terakhir kalinya saya datang ke wisuda temen2 kita, saya bilang ke temen2 kalo saya ngga merasa iri atau terpacu untuk cepat2 lulus. Huehehe..

Saya tahu pernyataan saya ini memang sangat mengherankan. Saya pun merasakan hal yg sama. Kok aneh banget saya ngga merasa iri atau pengen cepat lulus kayak temen2 yg lain.

Hari ini, ketika saya mengintip tetangga saya yg baru pulang sehabis wisuda, saya juga masih bertahan dengan perasaan yg sama. Datar..

Seperti yg sudah saya tulis dalam blog pribadi saya, ini bisa dilihat sebagai musibah sekaligus anugerah. Musibah karena dengan datarnya perasaan saya, berarti saya tidak terpacu untuk segera merampungkan skripsi dan meninggalkan kampus dengan membawa gelar sarjana. Tapi di sisi lain ini juga anugerah buat saya karena saya bebas dari rasa iri dan sakit hati karena belum merasakan indahnya di wisuda (ngga tahu juga apakah diwisuda itu bakal menyenangkan atau malah menyedihkan buat saya.. hihihi.. secara bakal meninggalkan status mahasiswa dan bergabung dengan para pengangguran dan pencari kerja.. mending punya status mahasiswa bukan? huehehehe).

Walau saya menjalani hari2 saya mengerjakan skripsi dengan santai, tapi ada dua alasan yg cukup memacu semangat saya menyelesaikan skripsi: omelan orangtua dan keinginan untuk segera meninggalkan kampus yg kini sudah mulai kehilangan pesonanya tanpa kalian semua. Hahaha..

Semuanya, SEMANGAT..!! ^_^

Friday, May 15, 2009

Ane- Untuk Yang Tertinggal

Untuk Yg Tertinggal...

Aku melangkah meninggalkan kalian...
...tanpa disadari, dgn sengaja, ataupun karena terpaksa...
Ingin kembali, berhenti, ataupun berharap di masa depanku kalian ada...

Mungkinkah...?

Untukmu yg pernah menjadi bagian terbesar dalam jiwa...
Sampai saat ini, aku msh merasa seperti mimpi bahwa kita tak lagi saling mengenal...
Betapa aku perih teringat kau di setiap yg aku lakukan;
di setiap yg sering kita lakukan bersama...
Andai kita mau saling memberi kesempatan...

Untukmu yg datang sekejap...
Aku tak percaya orang sepertimu ada;
menyukaiku saat pertama berjumpa,
menyatakan rasa dgn cepat,
berharap aku untukmu selamanya,
tetap menunggu meski aku bilang tidak...
Andai kau tak pernah bersamanya....

Untukmu yg ternyata mempermainkanku...
Serasa dunia runtuh ketika aku tahu itu...
Padahal kaulah sisa harapanku...
Meski kau mengaku menjadi benar-benar mencintaiku,
hati ini terlalu sulit menerimamu...
Andai kau tak terlahir sbg sahabatku....

Tuhan...semoga nanti tak kan ada lagi yg kutinggalkan...

Ane- Jumat, 1 Mei 2009

Jumat, 1 Mei 2009

Wkt hr Minggu, entah Minggu yg mana tepatny, mgkin dah sebulan yg lalu, Mimi (panggilan u mama trcnta) & si kakak memboyong semua 'kekayaan' Ne dr Jatinangor. Ne sndiri ga ikut coz malez & cape'. Pas mereka nympe rmh pun, Ne cm ngangkutin yg enteng2, taro d pojok kmr, dtinggal deh.

Tumpukan2 plastik, kardus, & koper itu msh utuh tak tersentuh, sampai hr Senin kmrn Ne cb u buka (itu pun krn Mi2 dah ngomel2..hehe). Semua baju, buku, pernak-pernik laen Ne pindahin k tmpt smestiny...plus diiringi dgn omongan dlm hati kyk 'hah?buku apaan nih?', 'ih,emank Ne pny y baju ni??', 'Y mpun, ga penting bgt y Ne nyimpen brg2 kyk gini dl???', dst...

Then, satu bgkus plastik putih gede bgt bkin Ne ga brgerak...(asli, krain adegan norak kyk gni cm da d sinetron...tp trnyt Ne ngalamin...). Ne tau isiny; wrna biru mudany kliatan dr luar. Boneka dr dia, boneka yg dbeli brg dia, boneka pny dia yg dsimpen d Ne... Smua kenangan lgsung hadir brsamaan 'mengabur'ny pandangan mata ini; kenangan yg cb Ne tinggal d Jatinangor...

Ini pertama kalinya Ne nangis stlah skian lama melepasny... Tb2 smuany trasa berat...trmasuk mmbuang brg2 yg bkin Ne inget dia...

........

.......

.......

Well, 'boneka2 tak berdosa' trsebut Ne masukin lg k plastik, jg foto2 & brg2 dr dia lainny (yg trnyta ada d plastik lain). Ne taro d bwh meja komputer...tnp tau nympe kpn & nti mo diapain...

......

Sama seperti dulu Ne deg2an bgt klo ktmu A, tp akhirny jd biasa aj...

Sama seperti dulu Ne sllu ngdoain B, tp akhirny inget dia pun nggak...

Sama seperti dulu Ne sring mandangin foto C, tp akhirny foto tu pun Ne buang....

Sama seperti dulu Ne nulis crita2 ttg D, tp akhirny Ne bisa membakar smuany...

Smoga nti pun Ne akan mengalami yg serupa...

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Lisa - Semangat..!! ^_^

Udah lama ngga posting apapun di blog kita tercinta ini. wehehehe.. Terakhir ke kampus kemaren, aku ngerasain banget sepi dan asingnya kampus tanpa wajah-wajah kalian yang udah lulus. Kangen dengan suasana menunggu jadwal kuliah dan nongkrong ngobrol di depan perpus. Kangen juga dengan beberapa mata kuliah yang diajar dosen tertentu (tertentu ya.. bukan semua dosen.. ahahaha penegasan gini).
Kalau diitung-itung, hampir setahun nih aku ngerjain skripsi. Buseeeeeeeeeeeeeet..!! Skripsi yang seharusnya bisa beres dalam dua bulan (dengan menyisihkan 2 jam setiap harinya, ini berdasarkan saran temen aku sih.. hehehe), sampai nyaris setahun ini ngga bergerak kemana-mana. Ide masih betah nongkrong di otak, belum bisa (atau mau?) ngalir ke kertas. Kumpulan teori masih betah bersembunyi di antara deretan buku yang tersebar di kamar aku, perpus, atau di kampus lain, menunggu aku menemukannya. Yah semacam main petak umpet lah. ahahaha.
Tapi setelah hampir setahun aku nyaris membiarkan rasa malas dan bersenang-senang menguasai, tahun ini aku udah mulai semangat lagi kok memulai usaha untuk mengerjakan skripsi dengan judul baru. heuheuheu. Mudah-mudahan semangat ini bukan cuma keluar dari mulut tanpa ada tindakan. Amiiiiiiiiin. ^_^
Jadi, sebenarnya kamu mau ngomong apa Lisaaaaaaaaaa??? hahaha. Cuma pengen say hi sama kalian semua yang selalu setia mengunjungi dan mengisi blog kelas kita ini. Setelah sekian lama aku hanya peduli dan berkeliaran di blog dan dunia aku sendiri. Menyimpan kepusingan dan stres sendiri tanpa ada keinginan untuk berbagi (Orang lain udah pusing masa aku tambahin pusing lagi. Aku bageur kok.. ahahaha).
Sekalian ingin memberi pengumuman bahwa.. yang aku butuhkan saat ini adalah doa dan semangat dari kalian semua. Kalau pengen nanya, nanya ini aja: Udah lulus? ahahaha. Selanjutnya cukup kata2: Semangat ya Cha..!! wehehehe.
Semangat yak buat kalian yang belum lulus. Semangat, semangat, dan semangat..!! Kita bisa..!! Kamu bisa kalau kamu berpikir bahwa kamu bisa..!! Yihaaaaaaa.. ^_^

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Dini - "Nyanyian Peri"

Benaknya meneriakkan nama gadis itu ketika ia terjaga dari tidurnya.

Terduduk tergesa di atas pembaringannya, pria itu mengumpat pelan. Sekujur tubuhnya berbalur keringat, meski tak ada hubungannya bahwa saat itu pertengahan musim panas. Membasahi kerah baju kelasinya. Ia mengutuk karena tadi jatuh tertidur tanpa mengganti baju ataupun setidaknya menengguk secawan anggur. Pasti itulah yang membuatnya memimpikan Azrael.

Menyelubungkan selimutnya lebih rapat ke tubuhnya, ia meraih rantai jam saku emasnya dan menjentikkan kapnya. Dua puluh menit sebelum tengah malam. Dua hari lagi sebelum Equinox. Meski menantikan upacara suci peringatan hari terpanjang musim panas dimana matahari berada pada titik puncaknya, beserta Perayaan Sumpah Darah desa setempat, ia tak memungkiri bahwa ia juga merasa takut. Kegusaran itu memainkan sebuah pentas teater dalam kepalanya tentang peri-peri dan makhluk musim dingin yang bergentayangan saat Halloween dan Midsummer’s Night.

“Dua kali setahun, tepat pertengahan musim panas dan musim dingin, gerbang menuju alam nyata terbuka di dunia gaib. Saat itu, matahari, bulan dan bintang berada dalam satu garis lurus. Kau bisa menemuinya saat itu.” Begitulah Hazel, sang pendeta tinggi, bersabda saat ia membawa pernak-pernik Parsi untuk persembahan rutinnya pada Gaia. Bibirnya bergetar mengingat sebuah suara. Gema nyanyian yang iringi lingkar tarian para peri di tengah hutan purnama. Tempat ia pertama kali takjub pada pesona makhluk yang asing, namun mendebarkan hati.

Matanya terpejam, sebuah senandung memanggil-manggil.

Tak ingin segera lelapkan mata malam ini,

Ia tersembunyi dalam alam syahdu

Esmeraldaku.......

Hampiri jiwaku kini,

Esmeraldaku......

Menantimu penuhi janji

Saat angkasa tak bersetubuh dengan bumi

Satu tetes entah air mata atau keringat terasa asin di bibirnya. Dipan di bawahnya berderit-derit ketika ia berayun pelan menyanyikan lagu hatinya. Sebuah pengantar tidur yang ia pelajari darinya dulu. Betapa ia mendamba percakapan yang diselingi teguk demi teguk rebusan rempah di pondok kecil miliknya, kampung halamannya, bersama gadis itu. Gadis yang telah mengisi harinya hingga ia lupa segalanya. Masih terngiang nyanyian lembutnya kala bermain sembunyi-sembunyian di hamparan ladang jagung. Sampai suatu waktu, tugas yang memanggilnya angkat sauh mencerabut gadis itu dan dirinya ke seberang dunia. Cinta mereka semu kini, terpisah oleh jarak, lautan, bahkan benua.

Jendela bulat kamar kapal itu menampakkan samudra yang gelap gulita berhiaskan jutaan bintang di atas cakrawala. Mendadak ia merasa letih. “Ahhhh...” erangnya.

“Tengkukku kaku... Tenggorokanku kelu... Jiwaku bisu... Aahhhh....”

Azrael Sang Malaikat Maut pasti akan kembali sebentar lagi.

Cepat datang, Jelita.....

Ia menjatuhkan diri di atas kasurnya. Sakit dan rindu yang tak tertahan menancapkan kuku-kukunya ke jantungnya. Sejenak ia bertanya-tanya apa sang Nahkoda masih meneropong bintang mencari rasi Orion di geladak atas. Ia ingin minta air. “Esmeraldaku..........”

Doanya membumbung ke angkasa: Tuhan, bila memang kematian dan fana dunia ini yang pisahkan kami, izinkan rohku untuk melayang pergi ke dunianya yang maya, sebelum waktuku habis sama sekali. Hanya raga ku tak peduli. Surga kutak mintai. Aku ingin cintaku abadi. “Esmeraldaku.............”

Tepat tengah malam. Kantuk akhirnya menjemputnya. Memberinya jeda untuk istirahatkan tubuhnya yang masih muda. Ia terlelap dan tak melihat ketika peri kecil bersayap keemasan menyelipkan dirinya di kisi-kisi jendela, hinggap di bahunya, memercikkan serbuknya ke wajah sang pengembara, kemudian melayang pergi ke samudra luas di luar sana.

Cristoforo Esteban del Camillo tersenyum dalam tidurnya.

Sejumput pikiran bahagia telah dihadiahkan padanya, antara terjaga dan tiada. Akhirnya untuk pertama kalinya ia mencumbui impi, bukan mati.

Dini - "Hujan dan Kamu"

Hujan siang ini berbalut hangatnya mentari dan mega yang tersembunyi. Hujan panas. Basah dan lembab tapi terang. Aku suka kondisi seperti ini, saat dimana awal hujan menguarkan aroma tanah yang kata orang sarat akan virus namun amat kunikmati. Sebab di sela-sela tirai tipis gerimis yang menghujani bumi, aku seakan mampu mengisap aroma tubuhmu. Kasar dan samar bercampur wangi kopi di mejaku, berselimut harapan kosong yang menguatkan hadirmu di hatiku. Mengantarkan kenangan masa lalu.

Aku teringat pertemuan pertama itu, saat sosokmu untuk kesekian kali lewat di depanku, namun baru sekali itulah aku benar-benar memperhatikanmu. Sebersit siluet tegas dalam sekelebat langkahmu menuju gedung satu. Kau mengenakan
long coat hitammu hari itu. Amat selaras di tubuh jangkungmu bagai jubah yang keperakan ditebas hujan, senada dengan setelan dan warna matamu yang cokelat madu. Kau bagaikan warga negara lain saja. Melihatmu berjalan menembus mendung tanpa payung atau seorangpun disisimu, aku seakan berteleportasi kembali ke Salisbury dimana tugu suci Stonehenge berjibaku dimakan waktu. Para wiccans kerap meletakkan rangkaian ilalang, lavender dan sage pada beberapa titik untuk menghormati monumen itu. Sesepermili detik, memoriku terbius lagi secara nostalgis... Akupun secara tidak langsung mulai angkat topi pada dirimu yang mampu membawaku deja vu. Momen itu adalah awal ketertarikanku, yang membuka jalan kepada temu lainnya setelah itu.

Hujan menderas. Tetesnya bagai derap seribu langkah kuda liar. Mungkin akan segera berakhir setelah seluruh kendi di awan tumpah ruah seluruhnya. Aku akan jujur padamu, kadang terlintas pikiran jahat di benakku kala di saat seperti ini aku melamunkanmu, aku berharap kau sedang berada di tengah hujan pula. Meski aku tahu itu malah akan membuat penyakit makin menggerogotimu, aku tak tahu mengapa aku berharap begitu. Mungkin karena aku pikir hujan akan menuntunmu kembali ke rumahku. Huh, betapa rapuhnya bila rindu tak bertuan hinggap di serat otakku.

Lelah pikiranku mengembara di pinggir jendela. Hujan tak kunjung reda juga. Aku beranjak ke shower, membiarkan hangatnya menghujani mata hatiku. Menyamarkan serakan air mata haru. Dalam siramannya aku berdo’a dalam hati. Moga kemudian kelak saat aku telah harum dan wangi, hujan akan membimbing langkahmu, dan di pintuku tubuhmu akan kembali kudapati. Menagih racikan royal milk tea andalanku dan sekedar tempat untuk berteduh sekaligus berbagi.

Saat itu menjadi nyata, aku tahu pasti. Hujan atau tidak hujan, kau takkan beranjak pergi. Membasuh mimpi ditemani aroma bumi, kita tidak sendiri lagi, melainkan tersenyum bersama hingga esok berganti pagi.

Dini - Frozen Kisses

Kissing is romance
Kissing under the rainbow
Kissing under the moonlight
Kissing under the stars
Kissing in the rain.........
I like rain
Especially when it's not so cold
Cause that's when I can smell your scent
Through the windy day and the racing clouds
Wet under the grey sky

I miss your presence
When your step couldn't be raced by me
When your laughter lighten up my mood that day
And when your smile patterned in a blissful moment

Once ago
I saw you there
Running across the mighty stream
Even from far sight
I can tell that I admire your pace
Falling into you
Instantly

It started with a kiss
And ended up with a kiss
I kissed a rose and put it back to your chest
Your smile had been frozen
By the time Life left your soul
Buried
In an ancient grave on the winter's first
snow fall

Dini - Posting lagi setelah sekian lama

Hmm.. udah lama bgt kayany sejak trakhir kali aku posting sesuatu disini.
Ada sedikit trial en error krn ga bs login pake akun yg lama. Untung dibantu sama administrator kita tercinta...Hehe. Isi form permintaan password baru ke google dan akhirnya bisa login lg.

So what's up, guys?
Ada yang udah lulus, ada yg udh kerja, ada yg msh kul, ada yg nunggu sidang,
ada jg yg ambil cuti, dan ada pula yg ngejar skripsi. (Termasuk saya... Smangat, temans! ^^)

Welcome to the club buat contributor dari Purwakarta. Hehe... moga cepet jd member resmi
(halah, naon sih? ;P)

Jadi, karena sudah bisa login, mari posting lagi.
Saya mohon ijin mau promosi karya2 saya disini. Hehehe.
Klo ada yg berkenan ato tdk berkenan membacanya, mohon komen n kritik.
Viva Le Bizarre !!!! 4 always.

All Regards,
(Dini. A)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Ane - The Graduation


Yaaay!
Ane and Ika's graduation!!

Ada yang punya foto yang laen?
Diposting ya..
Biar ketularan cepet lulus..

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Myra - Dear you, parents ...

It was a crowded wedding party ever. I saw the guests were all alike. They had an extreme sharp of nose, yes Arabian. I had to go miles miles long to attend this wedding party. Well it was worth doing for I saw an extraordinary wedding party. It was not only because the guests who make us feel like were really in the Middle East, or the delicious food with a strong-tasting substance, but also because the groom and the bride that were a hybrid; a mixture of two things. I was wondering what efforts the Sundanese man did to get this Arabian woman. It must be the hardest efforts ever. Based on my experience (having Arabian boyfriend) the woman would definitely lose her clan, not have support from her big family, even worst be cast away from her family.

I heard then that the man had to pay about 50 million rupiah to be able marrying this woman. Well I saw the woman, he did a right decision considering a beautiful child he would have from a wife like her. Anyway I then was thinking, if this Arabian rule in not marrying different tribe could be easily solved by money what is so important in this rule then? What makes Arabian build this kind of (I’m sorry) stupid rule? Let me guess … they may be afraid their heredity will be ruined. The grandmother will be ashamed of not having sharp nose grandchildren? But is it that shallow? Or maybe they are worried by the extinction of their tribes if their youth does the crossed-marriage. Or considering their strong faith in Islamic rule, is it because there is a verse in Koran telling Arabian must be with Arabian because they are a very good tribe in this universe for our Prophet is also Arabian? But I’ve never found this verse, what I found is that God creates human from many different cultures to make them known each other. So what is it about? Well let me relate it to basic human need; sex. Is it because Arabian has more desires than other tribes? That’s why the Arabian is afraid if this crossed-marriage happens, the non-Arabian can’t handle? Gosh it becomes senseless.


Let me share with these parents what’s the effect of this rule for their lovely children. Your lovely children grow in this plural world. They may play, study, and finally find the one they like. Since they are a minor group in Indonesia, the person they like may not always be Arabian. Unfortunately they know it is forbidden for them. They then find a way to solve this problem. They try to forget the person and they try this ‘love-match’ that are so common in Arabian family. But maybe ‘love-match’ will never be exciting for something that has been arranged will cause a different temptation for them. They will feel like they don’t have authority to choose and there are no exciting processes of chase, do efforts, and get. Or maybe they are too bored finding the same picture of this sharp nose people, they want to get away from this monotonous figure. Thus, they think that it is a challenge for them in experiencing a new fresh thing in their life; they decide to maintain this forbidden relationship. This relationship goes well before then the family smells something is going wrong. Then they are then provoked and advised to be only with Arabian. They then given up, some considering that they sacrificed for the happiness of their parents, some may be afraid of so many unpleasant stories of people who ignore this rule, some think parents will only want the best for their children. Then they end this relationship. This person will be confused, for he/she has been deeply in love with them. She/he may depress, some are looking for another chance with another Arabian (which of course a threat for Arabian), some may continue their life. They then agree to marry Arabian which actually has been arranged before. They then survive with their marriage but they are not happy. Some may keep their marriage but never feel the excitement, their marriage become dull. Some may have an affair, worse in many cases the affair is the non Arabian they have ever loved. It’s the case for them who agree to marry, there are also the rest who decide not to marry. They will be single whole their life, and you will really regret it considering grandson you desirable want. So … you have perfectly made your children’s life into awry.

Can I ask an honest question? Have you parents ever been in love? If yes, isn’t it beautiful? What makes you don’t want your children feel the same? Or if you haven’t, why don’t you let them to have this opportunity, something you’ve never tasted? I guess every parent will only want the happiness of his/her children, let them happy with their choice then. If they can’t choice their own love, what other beautiful thing that are able for them to choose then?

-Myra Fathira-

Friday, February 20, 2009

Myra - THANK YOU FOR (NOT) SMOKING

When I was in Senior High, I became groupies. Of course I was involved to a circle where I was bounded with some friends by the same likes. Unfortunately we didn’t only share our likes to a certain band, but also all things that made us feel like really connected to each other. Of course to show up that we were really groupies, we then did what we thought groupies did. We smoked and sometimes drank. That was the first time I tasted alcohol and cigars. The first time I tasted it (more often cigars than alcohol) I coughed a lot. I still did it only because I wanted to be regarded as part of them. Sometimes I was not comfort in doing it, but I adored one of our friends (in the same group) and I felt like she was really cool every time she smoked. Malboro red, that was her cigar. She was about 16 year old at that time. Then every where I went, I felt like prouder if Malboro was inside my bag. Though I could never really puff it.

I have twin sister and she smokes. She’s been smoking since in Senior High. I remember when we and our cousins were gathering, they were all smoking but me. I didn’t smoke because I knew they would laugh on me. They thought I couldn’t smoke. I couldn’t puff it well. One day they were all hanging out, and I was forbidden to come along with them. It was because they were all smoking and I wasn’t. They felt I couldn’t share the same enjoyment with them. I hated it, then I never really have a close relationship with them (until now). They would have vision that I was an angle that spied on them. They were all annoyed and thought that I watched their sinful behavior.

Indeed I never like smoking. Even my best friend was more comfortable in going out with my twin than me. She may think that they could share the cigars together. Even when I went out with them to Club night (I often do this, and fortunately like it) I was the only one who didn’t drink and smoke. Some people thought it was silly and began to ask me … ‘So what’s the point of being there then?’ I would answer it, ‘To dance!’

The reasons I wasn’t that into smoking are first of course because I couldn’t puff it well, I also always have painful throat ever morning I wake up, and anyway I was a runner … smoking will only undermine the quality of my running. The only reason of why I don’t drink is because it is certainly forbidden in my religion. So, when all of people in the club night would smoke and drink after dance … I would dance dance and only dance there, well sometimes had a chat with a strange man that I was interested in.

The truth that I didn’t smoke drove me also to be more selective in choosing a man I wanted to be with. I then had a relationship with a man who’s not a smoker. It was good of course because I didn’t like the smell of a smoker. I felt like they bring this smell everywhere even when they are not smoking. I was happy enough to be with this non-smoking guy.

When I worked, almost all my friends are smokers. They are given the accessibility to smoke inside our office, though the air conditioner is running. Every one smoked but I was not influenced. Then my jobs became more and more heavy. I worked under pressure anyway. Then I met my old best friend who used to smoke with my twin. She was working too. Every time she was depressed, she would take cigar. Sometimes when it was too hard for me to handle, I then took this best friend cigar. It increased day by day. People in my office still believe that I don’t smoke, though I do. Then I began to have my own cigar.

Day by day it became worse. Especially when I had a conflict with my father. I was bold to smoke in front of him. I called it rebel. My father had quit a long time ago, but seeing me smoking he then smokes again. Actually, it was me who often forbade him to smoke. He believed that I was his very good daughter among his daughters until I smoked. Well … I was so sorry for that, but I am still human who could fall sometimes. Now I smoke, even a lot. I became addicted for I know now how to puff it. Maybe smoking is my way to survive from the inhospitable condition. I begin to wonder what is it on smoking that makes me feel like more relaxed. Is it because the inhaling process? We puff it in and out that is the same as the way we breathe? We take a deep breath anyway when we are depressed, and then we feel better. Or is it because of the certain substance that is functioned to make us feel relaxed? Well whatever it is I see that most smokers smoke when they find something unpleasant in their life. Maybe they want to shorten their life by smoking, knowing that life is not that beautiful. My best friend told me, she would quit when she had found her happiness. I will also quit someday when I feel like not that stressful, that’s why I won’t run for cigars.

Smoking … maybe some people hate it, and some really need it. I’ve been in both of them. To be frank I like myself who’s not smoking better. Well but maybe I also need partner to face this not really nice life, and cigars have become my good partner. To reduce the amount of people who smoke I guess we have to make this life more beautiful. Believe me, ‘no for smoking’ campaign won’t really work. People still smoke though Doctor has showed them their lungs roentgen. Well anyway smoking and not smoking are choices. Well, I guess they are old enough (I said old because cigars only allowed for people not less than 18 year old) to know the consequences of what they are taking. Well but I really appreciate those who are not smoking in front of people who don’t smoke. By the way government has been kindly enough in making the certain place to smoke available. In appreciating this generosity, I guess those who smoke can be polite enough not to smoke in public (especially public transportation). Last but not least, thank for not smoking in public area … I, myself thank for cigars that has been accompanying me through this not really nice life.

–Myra Fathira-

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Myra - DEATHLY VALENTINE

All are in pink, it must be an obvious view in Valentine’s day. Well, this Valentine might be different. I was so sure that I would have so many rivals when I went outside (For your information I always wear pink all day not only in Valentine’s day), until then I found no one in the same color as me. I didn’t even see someone who wore cloth close to pink. Black … that’s the only color I saw. Actually I was glad knowing I wouldn’t find my twins (by the color), but then I was eager to know who are they?

This people may not celebrate Valentine’s day, I am so sure they are even forbidden to celebrate it. So … what were they celebrating? They were all gathering, with dress code (black) in a very large convention room. I was invited by a friend to come to this event. I thought it was just like a religious event where we would be given a sermon then we would pray together or even read the Koran. But as this event went, I didn’t find those things I used to have. What I saw along the event was mostly a crying of this people. I have never seen a great number of people who was crying like that. They cried like they were in a very deep grief. I was in contrast with them, it’s not only because I was the only one who dressed in pink and the only one who didn’t wear veil but also because it was only me who didn’t cry.

My friend told me that they were all crying for Imam Hussein, he is the grandson of Prophet Muhammad who’s been killed by the Muawiyah emperor. He was killed because he didn’t agree with the way this emperor ruled. Ok I knew it then, but I still couldn’t understand why they were crying for those who had passed for a million years? My friend said that they follow Al-Hadist; whoever Love Muhammad they also have to love His Family and this Imam Hussein is one of them. That’s why they have to praise Imam Hussein and also have to remember his death. But is it by crying the way we love Prophet’s Muhammad’s family? I guess it’s more likely the incapability to accept. I mean when you love someone, you will set him/ her free won’t you? Beside if they are really Moslem, Islam teaches us not to love someone more than our love to Allah. Certainly what I saw contradicts with our role as a Moslem. Actually his death was a tragic one. He was killed and his head was cut off. The emperor then carried his head around Karbala, one of the hot deserts in the Middle East. Is it because of that they are all wearing black? Because they are mournful all their life? If they really believe, like all Moslems believe, that everything will return to Allah then why they are all sad? Also if they believe in Islam that everything happen with Allah’s will (it is called ‘Ridha’) why they have to cry like that as if they don’t accept Allah’s will? If that unfortunate tragedy really causes a great pain for them, then why they have to again reveal it every years by holding this event? Doesn’t it only bring more and more pain? Why they don’t just let it and face their own life which I am sure have a lot of tragedies within too? This is life, many things may happen; suffers, accidents, problems, and another unfortunate things. When we have to face one of those things in life, I guess nothing could we do but accept it! Yes, things happen and our role is to accept. There is much unpleasant news that worries us. We must have heard about children who suffered from illness and they died because they are too poor to see the Doctor. There are also many stories about catastrophe; flood, tsunami, drain, etc. Well do the victims cry a whole their life? No! They have to survive, life goes on. They won’t wait those who are trapped in their sadness!

I was surprised that a little girl beside me cried or more likely screamed with tears and she called this Imam Hussein. I also saw a boy, who is better play with his playmates than attend this kind of occasion, hitting his chest seem to regret the death of this Imam Hussein. Then I was wondering, do they really know what they are crying for? What lesson their patents give to them until they seem to really have a strong faith and tender to this Imam? They are very cute, it’s too early for them to cry for someone. It’s more acceptable if they are crying for candies! Gosh, what’s wrong with them? Indeed they are all lovely creatures, the men mostly are handsome and so are the women. I even saw a princely guy on the stage. But then I think twice considering his crying and hitting his body. He must have loved Imam Hussein more than a woman.

Mostly they are Arabian, though about 30 % of them are Indonesian. Arabian? That must be the answer of their too much praise to this Imam Hussein. Maybe they really have a family tree that connects them to Prophet Muhammad! But how about the rest Indonesian who were crying too? But hey … we all are connected to each other from our great father Adam and our ancient mother Eve!

I thought there wouldn’t be another mournful. They wouldn’t have more energy to produce another tear. But again I was surprised by a very loud scream when a flag was suddenly carried. I knew that it is Imam Hussein’s flag. They all desirably wanted to touch this flag. I heard again they cried … the painful crying I’ve ever heard. Some even collapsed after calling Imam Hussein loudly. Flag, it was a lifeless creature and they seem to praise it well too. What is this? Back to our ancient history where people pray to stone and all lifeless creature? I’m sorry but it’s a regression.

I was too tired. I hoped it would finish soon. It was almost 6 pm. I even hadn’t pray Ashar. Did they pray Ashar? Because I attended this occasion before Ashar. Did they more concern of this occasion than prayed? We then are all asked to head to Kiblat. I thought we would finally pray. Again I was wrong, they were all announced their wishes to be able in doing the pilgrimage to Hussein’s tomb. They even would do some efforts to make his tomb looked beautiful. They made a beautiful calligraphy for his tomb. I am so sure it costs a great amount of money. In my opinion, they should spend money for those who are alive. Imam Hussein has passed away. He may need nothing now but prayer. He has nothing to do with this life, he has rested in peace I guess. Why don’t we concern to those who are still alive; you and I who still have to face many things in life (perhaps the unfortunate one), and the living people who need more our help. Those who died has been released from suffers. They have found their peace. We may cry because we are jealous not because we regret his death, besides we all acknowledge that we will die too so why were we crying? Well anyway, I thank my friend for introducing me with this, my first black valentine.

–Myra Fathira, 19.02.2009-


Monday, February 16, 2009

Ane - Pernahkah kamu merasa?

Pernahkah kamu merasa cinta benar-benar ada,
saat pertama melihat dia?
Pernahkah kamu merasa tak dianggap olehnya,
dan menjadi marah karenanya?
Pernahkah kamu merasa harus berjuang
untuk membuatnya jatuh cinta?
Pernahkah kamu merasa memiliki dunia
saat berhasil mendapatkannya?

Pernahkah kamu merasa hanya menginginkannya,
meski cinta lain berdatangan?
Pernahkah kamu merasa tergoda,
tapi akhirnya malah kembali padanya?
Pernahkah kamu merasa berusaha memberikan semua
agar segalanya dapat berjalan?

Pernahkah kamu merasa lelah dengan banyaknya pertengkaran,
tapi dapat bertahan di dalamnya?
Pernahkah kamu merasa membencinya,
tapi selalu dapat memaafkannya?

Pernahkah kamu merasa telah melakukan semua
untuk menutupi kekurangan yang ada?
Pernahkah kamu merasa yakin dapat mengatasi semua
dan menjadi tegar bersamanya?
Pernahkah kamu merasa tak ada lagi penghalang
dan menjaga semua tak berubah?

Pernahkah kamu merasa dialah harapan, kebahagiaan, dan masa depan...?

Pernahkah kamu merasa dia pun merasakan yang sama...?

PERNAHKAH KAMU MERASA SEMUA TELAH SEMPURNA,
TAPI HILANG DALAM SEKEJAP...?

Aku pernah...

Pernahkah kamu merasa?


Monday, February 9, 2009

Myra - Back to your heart ... My Heaven's light ....

I can really feel the existence of Relativity when you are around ...
I need no Heaven when I nestle in your loving clasp ...
You are even the Heaven itself ...
I even forget what pain is ...
Ease and Excite blend together in your presence ...
Though then you unfasten your clasp ...
I know that you will always return ...
Here to my heart ...
Where our missing pieces meet ...
Unite into absolute part ...
Where you and I are wrapped into a big bubble where the time comes to a halt ...
Wherever I go, I know you are my way back home ...

-Myra Fathira-

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Myra - Ia Membunuhmu

Aku tahu kamu tidak disana. Saat kita semua sedang berkumpul, membicarakan hal2 menyenangkan yang membuat rileks syaraf-syaraf otak. Tertawa, tanpa ada beban yang ikut bergabung, tapi tidak dengan kamu. Kadang kamu memang ikut tertawa, seolah-olah mengerti apa yang sedang kamu tertawakan. Tapi aku tahu, kamu tidak disana, tawamu hanya formalitas saja.
Kamu tidak pernah ada disana, sesuatu menyedotmu kesana, ke tempat dimana kamu habiskan tiap jam dan detikmu. Tapi itu diluar kuasamu, kalau saja kamu bisa kamu ingin pergi dari situ. Tapi kamu terjebak di tempat itu. Ya, di alam pikiranmu, tempat dimana Ia berada.

Itu membuatmu tidak fokus. Kadang kamu tertawa, mengangguk, atau menggelengkan kepala seolah-olah kamu menyimak lawan bicaramu, tapi kamu sebenarnya tidak ada disana, kamu bahkan tidak tahu apa yang sedang dibicarakan karena terkadang tanggapanmu terhadap apa yang sedang dibicarakan sama sekali tidak ber- korelasi.
Terkadang kamu membagi alam pikiranmu saat kamu resah. Saat kamu merasa terlalu penat untuk kamu simpan sendiri. Kamu akan membicarakannya seolah-olah Ia adalah topik penting yang wajib didengarkan. Kamu bahkan tidak peduli kalupun tidak ada yang mendengarkan atau bahkan peduli, karena sebenarnya kamu hanya butuh untuk menumpahkan perasaanmu. Kamu sebenarnya menceritakan untuk diri kamu sendiri. Itu kamu lakukan agar kamu terus ingat memori-memori tentangnya. Kamu ulang terus apa yang otakmu rekam tentangnya agar Ia tidak punah dari pikiranmu. Bahkan bagimu sebuah pesan di inbox handphone-mu yang berbunyi, ”ada apa? Lagi nonton, what’s up anyway?”, bisa membuatmu riang seharian, walaupun tidak berarti apa-apa, tapi kamu cukup tenang mengetahui message-mu dibalas. Aku bertaruh pasti message itu akan selalu ada di inbox-mu menyingkirkan message-message lain yang memenuhi inbox-mu.

Suatu saat aku melihatmu begitu fokus, suatu hal yang jarang sekali kamu lakukan. Kamu tidak lagi ’tersedot’ ke alam itu. Aku tahu karena Ia ada didepan-mu. Kali ini pikiranmu terpusat padanya, seperti alam semesta yang terpusat pada matahari. Sudah kuduga, Ia alasan ketidakfokusanmu. Ia matahari-mu, ketidakfokusanmu berhenti padanya! Kali ini senyuman, anggukan, dan tanggapan-tanggapanmu nyata, bukan hanya sekedar formalitas. Ia cukup untuk-mu, mewakili semua kesenangan-kesenangan-mu.

Sayang Ia terlalu sempurna untuk menjadi nyata, dan itu membuatmu sadar utuk hanya berhenti di kata ’mengagumi’. Kamu tahu diri, walaupun kamu terlalu silau pada cahaya yang Ia pancarkan sampai-sampai cahaya dirimu tertutup olehnya. Bukan kamu yang tidak berharga, hanya saja kamu memandangnya terlalu tinggi. Kamu tidak berani memilikinya, tapi kamu juga terlalu takut untuk melepasnya. Ia hartamu, kehilanganya sama saja ’jatuh miskin’ bagimu. Itulah yang membuatmu diperbudak perasaan olehnya. Aku tidak bisa menyalahkannya, kamu yang salah.
”’Ngga mungkin-lah saya punya perasaan sama dia. Jauh banget dari tipe saya..”, kata-kata ini berhasil merontokkan helai demi helai memorimu tentang ke- maha- an- nya. Tapi kamu bukan hanya ’katarak’, kamu bahkan ’buta permanen’. Kamu terlalu takut sengsara bila kamu hilangkan Ia dari sel-sel otakmu. Lagipula Ia sudah tertanam paten di otakmu. Terlalu sulit untuk mencabutnya. Aku akan malah jahat bila tidak memberitahukan ini padamu. Kupikir lebih baik kamu amputasi Ia dari bagian otakmu. Memang sakit, tapi sudah hanya sekali, tidak akan berkepanjangan. Tapi ternyata aku salah, lukamu tak kunjung sembuh. ’Amputasi’ tidak berhasil untukmu. Lukamu malah meradang. Sudah kubilang agar jangan terlalu mengagungkannya. Kuat tidaknya perasaanmu padanya bergantung pada bagaimana kamu mengembangkannya. Kalau saja kamu bisa membuat perasaanmu ’normal’ padanya, atau paling tidak kamu mengontrolnya agar tidak makin membesar pasti hal ini tidak akan terjadi.

Lihat Ia sama sekali tidak merasa bersalah pada kematianmu. Kamu telah korbankan nyawamu dengan sia-sia. Kamu pasti jengkel mendengar perkataanya saat Ia membuka kain yang menutupi wajahmu. ”Kasian… pikirannya terlalu pendek”. Ia tidak merasakan beban yang kamu tanggung karenanya. Mungkin bahkan Ia tidak tahu Ia-lah penyebab kamu nekad melakukan perbuatan yang dikutuk Tuhan. Mungkin kamu tidak menemukan surga, bahkan neraka-pun menolakmu. Tapi setidaknya kamu bisa bernapas lega, pikiranmu kini hampa, tidak terisi memori tentangnya. Semoga itu membuatmu bahagia.

-Myra Fathira-

Myra - Black Sabbath ...

It was marvelous knowing that I had two weeks long holiday. Spending my holiday in Bandung became my eager desire. Above all activities that I had planned in my mind, I still had one place … a place I spared for him, my dearly Z. The first time I inhaled Bandung chill air, I was glad Finally I breathed in the same air as he. We indeed have a problem with ‘distance’. We have never been really together. When we were in Bandung, he often went here and there. I haven’t finished celebrating his return from another city, for the sake of helping Jogja’s Earthquake victims, I had to again deal with his leaving. He had to prepare the exam entering University in Jakarta. When he returned, then he asked for my permission he had to head back to Jogja to prepare another exam entering University there. I wasn’t given the opportunity to spend my long holiday with him, because after those leaving then I knew he passed the exam and was accepted in one of well-known University in Jakarta. I told to myself, it’s all right … he will come back, we will be together again someday. I tried to maintain a long distance relationship. I tried not to concern of his absence. I kept myself busy with many arrangements of activities. I was focus on my study, wishing I graduated faster then I could head to where he was. I kept myself busy by having a part-time job. I always encouraged myself that I can survive, I can keep my fidelity. His last words before he went became the only reminder that kept my fidelity, to be a good lover. Indeed I was never really with other men no matter how charming they are. I felt guilty every time I went out with them, thought they were just friends.

Time maybe passes so fast, I was done with my study and so was he. I was so excited for I was accepted in one of Advertising Agency to become a copy writer. It’s not because I was accepted as copy writer, the position I desirably wanted to be every time someone asked me what do you want to be?, that really excited me … it was because of finally I got so closed to him, I was in the same city with him, I breathed the same air as he. Actually I was about to also arrange my leaving to another country for the sake of continuing my study, but I thought it would again separated us. So, I decided to have this job, and finally could really have ‘a vivid relationship’. Then I know that Life goes beyond your expectation, but I believed at that time (or rather to please myself) that true love doesn’t run smoothly. At my first staying in Jakarta, it was indeed easier for us to meet. I used to have him as my guest not only in Saturday night. I was glad and was so sure that I took a right decision in staying in Jakarta. Then I really just have a very short excitement, for other weeks he went back to Bandung for he had finished his study. It was so strange, being in this strange city without him, the only reason I stayed. He left me alone, struggling with this mean city … without him, the only excitement I had. Then everything turned in opposite. When previously I tried hard to find an excuse to be able going to Jakarta, now there was always a reason to be able spending my week-end in Bandung.

Fortunately, (or maybe unfortunately? For now it’s hard for me to distinguish those terms) I met someone. He was actually not a new person in my life, but maybe he has just seen me in the corner. Or if I believe in destiny, we are destined to be put in situation, where we then had a chance to get know further of each other. If I compared this new person with him, what he did to me was even not 5 % better than what this new person did. This new person made me believe that I am that worth to be granted with all treatments a woman should have from the one who loves her. He would call me not only to just talk of pleasant things, he also was all ears listening every shit that happened to me, he would tease me to just desirably hear my chuckling. He would forget the distance from Bandung to Jakarta, when he missed me. Now I could proudly say that once there was a man who had ever come to Jakarta from Bandung just to have a lunch with me, he didn’t mind if after the lunch he had to pass the traffic to go miles miles away back to Bandung. Surprisingly this thing I have ever experienced, but with me as the subject not the object. It happened when I went to Jakarta ignored that I had to attend an important lecture, waiting alone in his Campus that was strange for me, just to give him a gift, while he said that he couldn’t meet me for his a lot of assignments. Maybe as a return of what I painfully did to him, HE kindly sent this new person to me. This new person also forgot that he needed to take a rest when he wanted to make sure I had come home from my late night working time. I still remembered how he waited in the parking area, read in the dark (for waiting me so long, till the horizon stole the sun), just to spend maybe just several minutes with me. Things that I would never have from him. With all ignorance that he used to grant me, of course I deserved to fall. I had a fully virtue to fall. Though that words ‘to be a good lover’, preoccupied my mind. Perhaps I was just tired, tired of struggling alone. I didn't mean to be unfaithful, I thought he couldn't save me to fall for a better love a man granted me, he couldn't save our relationship. He let me ... he really let me to fall for another person better than him.

Indeed I fell, once strangely he didn't completely fill my thoughts. It was like the cupid had clapped his wings and went off from my flowery feelings I had when I was with him. Suddenly he became the person I didn't know, I felt exiled from his world, the world where he used to be the center of my attention. Once I felt like awaked from false consciousness of loving him. Perhaps there was really a guardian angel, that had successfully stolen my heart. Again Venus was not at my side, I was only given a short time in tasting the antidote of my severe love story. This guardian angel had been taken away before I was really healed. I was looking for another antidote to avoid me from dying, I found no one but him. Though I know he may heal me with a strong poison, but I knew that the poison had a tendency also in killing me.

It was Sabath ... I couldn't bare many problems that kept coming. Indeed, it burdened me a lot. I guess I needed someone to keep me stand. Since this virtuous new man had already been unreachable, I went to him. Called for his very kindness to help me, what I needed at that time was only his presence. It was enough for me.

I hugged him, but I felt it was not as it once was. It's cold. I don't know whether it was because I had ever tasted another warmth that genuinely given to me ... or I had got a premonition that his love to me had faded, reduced day by day. I cried ... I didn't know what makes me. Perhaps I was just tired of many problems that haunted me lately, or I just missed my guardian angel that had been so far far away from me, or maybe I missed him I was afraid of loosing him. He saw me crying in his belly. He thought that I was crying for my exhausted in maintaining this kind of relationship, with him who never exists. Actually it was more complex than just that. I didn't even know whom I love, whom I cried for, I didn't know. You told me that there were many domestic problems (I guess your family prohibited you to be with me, from some reason I don't know and I don't want to know) that avoided you to grant me with all those treatments I wished to have. You said something that again pierced my ears, you said that our relationship was going nowhere for if you stayed you might again hurt me. I cried a river but I didn't know why I cried. Perhaps it was because of his words, or because I hadn't been able to let him go, or I just missed my guardian angel that had been so far far away from me and I, at that time, called for his light that used to radiate my dim heart. I fell ... I was loosing my grip. I didn't know where to go. Then for tons of time, I again loosed him as those words again pierced my ears. He said that British Petroleum accepted him, and he might leave but he didn't know to what country. That Sabath would be different from others Sabath. There was no one I would be glad to spend the night with, or to just rejuvenate my stressful routine, for that Sabath I spent my time with tears. I became so fragile lately, and of course became a person I didn't know that somewhat frightened myself.

I decided to swallow all pain ... I decided to get along with that. Then I remembered what my beloved lecturer (though he may hate me now) said that shits happen ... what I have to do is to deal with that. Though I guess all the pain had made me get accustomed to that, I became numb. I decided to accept, when you have nothing to lose then you have everything to gain.

Knowing I can't really breathe in the same air with him, I decided to go. I planned to go to Germany continuing my study that once was canceled, hope all those knowledge become the only medicine that can heal and excite me. I stop wishing, for I know the consequences that I haven't been ready to face. After I had been deal with that ... he came again. Like a virus he ruined the protection I had built. I fell ... He so kindly asked me to watch a movie, thing that he never did before, thing that I desirably want. I was so confused. Should I let myself fall again? I guess I was so excited so I ignored the battle in my heart that avoided me to let myself tormented again. I went, though I was so sick, though he didn't pick me up like others did when he asked me to go out with them. I came ... I came to gamble with the only chance I have. Then I let him to torment me again. We couldn't see the movie because I was late. I swear that I had tried hard to be on time, but what can I expect from a public transportation? You blamed me for being late, I really wanted to blame you for not picking me up. You decided to eat. I accompanied you, though I didn't eat. I thought it was nice just accompanying you eat. I read a book that caused us arguing. You showed your opposing me of my great interest to study 'feminism'. We didn't even talk about you or me or any thing that could heal our disappointment not watching the movie. We fought (or maybe you call it discussion). When we decided to come home, you decided to come home alone, you didn't even ask for my permission. You let me to walk alone ... I (for so many times) cried again.

For you Z ... I guess I have to praise myself for being so tough and stiff for all pain that lasted for 3 years long. But now I guess it's my time to deserve the happiness. I know we can never breathe in the same air. I decided to have a new air. Maybe if we are let to breath in the same air, we will be suffocated by harmful oxygen ... if it is not you, it is me who'd die. I thank you for teaching me deal with pain, to become this tough (or numb). I hope BP doesn't send you to Germany, I am afraid I can't resist your charming and again let myself fall. Good luck ... don't forget to send me your wedding invitation, I may be mad when I know the woman is not Arabian.

-Myra Fathira-

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Abby - Kenapa ribut?

Maaf, gw teh lagi sakit, jadi lama nggak beredar.

Begini, gw liat di postingan bawah, ada yang ribut. Gini deh, awalnya emang gw buat rules jangan nulis ini itu. Itu karena tadinya gw pikir akan banyak yang nulis disini. Tapi, nyatanya sepi-sepi aja kan?

Jadi, daripada blank, soklah, isi apa aja. Express your feelings here (yes, including anger) , feel free.

Ciao!